Club Etiquette: Learn the Rules Or Hold a Pocket

I’m back on the blog with a vengeance.  First item of business: the club.

Now, true enough clubs differ from region to region within the U.S., but I think grown & sexy or whatever the 2008 terminology for it is about the same across demographics, so we’re going to focus on that. 

Rule 1: No Simping
You may have read my earlier post on facebook simping.  Well simping in real life is even worse.  Chivalry’s not dead… it’s just been infected with spineless folk who do anything to get some digits.  Case in point…

Houston, TX.  Standing near the front of the line waiting for the club to open.  3 beautiful women walk up behind us wearing your pretty much standard tight-fitting short dresses (no complaints here).  One of the guys in front of us starts eyeing them… I mean HARD.  I’m thinking “take it easy buddy… the girls are cute but damn stalker…”  Turns out the girls are making comments about how cold it is.  No sooner had one of them said something along the lines of “yea I’m really starting to get cold out here” this dude damn near busts out of his skin with “here, you can have my jacket!”  And like magic, a chorus of “awwwww, that’s so sweet!” bursts out from the females. 

Now right here is where we have the problem.  The problem is not the nice deed.  It’s the different expectations.  The dude is thinking “GOTCHA!  I’m one jacket closer to getting in there.”  The females are thinking “free jacket.”  Note the difference.  

If you need an example of how simping ruins the dating economy, simply look at the stock market.  You keep giving out corporate bonuses to females who simply look good and next thing you know you’re in a damn deficit, begging for a corporate bailout.  And like they told em in Congress, it ain’t happening!  Those curious about how the story ended, that fella never saw those females again once they got inside the club.  But they sho nuff remembered me and my homeboy as the ones that did not give up the jacket/sweater/warm gear.  Hence, we had a valid conversation piece to go on.  Try it for yourself.

Rule 2: Dance
“What do you mean you don’t dance in the club?!”  That was the exact comment from another friend of mine when a certain female friend admitted she goes to the club not to dance, but to stand and talk about people.  Cut it out… You wanna do that go stand in a corner.  I came to the club to drink (in moderation) and dance (in excess). 

Now, true, sometimes fellas get TOO hyphy and try to dance with the wrong female.  Sometimes we try to pick up the female who clearly does not want to dance at that moment or is in the midst of dancing with her homegirls (another topic altogether) or just plain doesn’t want to dance with you.  That’s okay, let it go!  If you observe, you realize that these women did actually come to dance and you either just came at the wrong time or just aren’t the one they want to dance with.

BUT, for those who came to NOT DANCE, are you kidding me?  You should be shot.  Ladies, how brokeback would it look if you go up to a fella with some “i know you didn’t come here to just stand around…” and he hits you with “well actually, i just wanna stand here with my homeboys all night.  We just came to talk about people.”  WOW….  There’s no place for that at the club, male or female.  Dance, be a winner. 

 

Rule 3: Tip Your Bartender
Now I don’t believe in tipping shoddy service.  I had one experience (LA) where a bartender   straight up tried to tell me they didn’t have the type of rum I was looking for (though her co-worker had just served me that type of rum earlier).  Long story short, I gave her co-worker a $20 tip on GP.  Now that was actually excess and me just being on some revenge ish, BUT I digress: tip your bartender.  There’s nothing worse than having the appearance of being grown & sexy and then the ladies around you find out how cheap you are (let em find out later). 

Those are just my intro rules.  Following those will prevent you from holding someone’s pocket. 

What are YOUR rules for the club?